


Broken Pieces

by svrendipity



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Angst, Benny Watts being Benny Watts, F/M, Insecurity, Major Original Character(s), Mild Cursing, No Spoilers, Oneshot, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svrendipity/pseuds/svrendipity
Summary: Long term insecurity and feelings of inadequacy destroy the once perfect relationship between renowned chess players Benny and Anna, leaving both chess masters a pile of broken pieces even the other cannot put back together.
Relationships: Benny Watts/Original Female Character(s), Beth Harmon/Benny Watts (minor)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> There's not nearly enough Benny/OC content on AO3 so enjoy this heartbreaking little idea that came into my head and wouldn't leave me alone until it was complete. 
> 
> Originally, this work was just a piece of dialogue that I thought up just for me, but after filling in the scene and actions around it, I'm pretty proud of the final result. Anyway, this is basically me pleading anyone with an idea for a Benny/OC story to please write it. I promise someone (read: I) will read and adore it.

After a morning of bliss, Anna and Benny return to their shared NYC apartment (if you could call their dinky little basement an apartment). They sit in front of Anna’s chessboard, a priceless item to anyone in the chess world--the board Anna became world champion on. No one could defeat Anna, except for Benny. Anna’s opponents always cite her unpredictability as the main reason they fail. With Benny, Anna is an open book. 

They’re evenly matched. Personally, it’s a blessing. Professionally, it’s a curse. 

As Anna goes to move her pawn, the phone rings and Benny stands to answer it. Once Benny hears the voice on the other line, his face immediately breaks out into a large grin--the kind of infectious smile that lights up your entire face. Tapping his foot to a beat only he can hear, Benny listens to the speaker. “Harmon,” Benny cuts the other person--cuts Beth off, “to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your lovely voice?” _Oh_ , Anna thought to herself, _it’s Beth_. Thoughts of Beth run around Anna’s head, her insecurities rising. _Benny’s first love_.

Benny and Beth had dated for nearly two years before calling it quits. Beth says the passion between herself and Benny was so hot that it burnt out, that it never could have lasted long term. Sometimes, Anna thinks that if Beth hadn’t ended it, Benny would have proposed to Beth and never been with her. It’s a scary thought--one Anna has long fought to suppress because sometimes, in moments like these when Benny has a brilliant smile lighting up his face, Anna feels certain that she’s Beth’s replacement, that Benny would never be with her if he could choose Beth. 

It’s excruciatingly lonely. 

When Benny hangs up the phone, Anna loses her train of thought. But her insecurities remain. Four and a half years together, more than twice as long as Benny and Beth were a couple, yet Anna cannot shake her worries. Too many people have made Anna a second choice, a second bet to place, never the one you want _first_ \--Not her father, not chess speculators and certainly not any ex boyfriends. 

Benny plops down onto the floor, ready to rejoin the game and eager to defeat his wonderful girlfriend. Inside his pocket sits a small, little black box dying to be opened with its contents placed on Anna’s finger. 

Before she can even ask what the phone call was about, the words she’s held back for years slip out of Anna’s mouth. “I’m sorry, Benny, but I can’t do this anymore.” Benny is speechless and looks like he has been slapped. He wants to say so many things, ask so many questions but all he can muster is a meek “Why?” The heartbreak in his voice is almost enough for Anna to take her words back, to never say anything like that again, all to not hurt him. _Almost_. 

Anna looks Benny in the eyes. She knows she owes him at least that. Taking a shallow breath, Anna begins to speak. “I feel like a second choice, Benny. I can’t do it anymore. I won’t live in her shadow any longer.” Saying Beth’s name would be like stabbing herself in the gut. It’s clear to Anna that she is referencing Beth. Unfortunately, Benny seems oblivious. 

Benny stares at Anna, eyebrows furrowed with a look of confusion on his face. “What are you talking about? You’re not in anyone’s shadow, not to me. I promise. I love _you_ , not anyone else.” Benny begs Anna to explain. 

Anna breaks eye contact and begins to stare down at her hands, picking at her skin. “Annie, look at me” Benny pleads. He hasn’t called Anna ‘Annie’ in a long time. The nickname forces Anna to look back up at Benny. Before Benny can list all the reasons she’s amazing in his eyes, Anna begins to speak. “You and I both know that’s not true” Anna tells Benny, almost cynically. 

Benny feels like he’s talking to a brick wall, not the girl he loves. He doesn’t know when he stopped being able to read Anna because he never saw this coming. 

“Anna,” Benny starts, only to be cut off by the woman in question. Anna interrupts Benny, telling the love of her life “It’s okay, Benny, honestly. I knew you still loved her--are still in love with her. I guess I just thought that I would be enough--that we would be enough.” Anna's words break something in Benny. The tears that were gathering in his eyes freeze. _How dare she_? Benny thought to himself. _How. Dare. She_?

Benny is furious, full of bottomless rage. He’s never been truly mad at Anna before, especially not like this. Benny spits venom at Anna, poison spewing from every word. “No, you don’t get to do that, Anna. You don’t get to tell me how I feel. I love _you_ \--so much it consumes me. And if you don’t know that already, if you don’t feel that, then I guess this relationship is over. But don’t you dare say I don’t love you or even think any of that bullshit.” Benny is fuming, and Anna is breaking. Push and pull. Yin and yang. They were once so in sync strangers would comment on their bond. Now, in this moment, both cannot experience the same emotion at once. 

The words burn Anna. She feels like she has been slapped across the face. Anna still loves him, even if she doesn’t believe it is equally reciprocated. “Benny,” Anna pleads, “it’s not like that.”

The fire in Benny’s eyes is scorching, the kind of look he gives reporters who ask invasive questions. “Then tell me what it’s like,” Benny demands, “Give me a reason.” Benny quickly rises from the floor. The sudden action startles Anna, who flinches at the movement. As Benny paces across the apartment, facing toward the kitchen, his anger boils over. Once he reaches the kitchen counter, Benny sharply turns around and points at Anna. “I loved Beth. Past tense. I love you. Present tense. Whatever insecurity in our love that you have, don’t say that it’s because I’m still in love with Beth. That’s not true. It hasn’t been for a long time.” Benny’s words are passionate and said with conviction. Anna is sure if Benny was an actor the audience would be on their feet giving him a round of applause. But it’s still not enough. She knows herself. She knows her gut. She can feel it in her bones that she’s not enough. Still, years of insecurity can do that to a person--interpreting actions in a warped view. 

Before responding to Benny’s fiery words, Anna takes a deep, staggered breath. With every word, Anna knows she is putting a nail into the coffin of what was a beautiful, seemingly perfect relationship mere minutes prior. Anna’s thoughts spill straight from her mind to her lips. “When I won the U.S Open against Beth last year, she was rattled. She was so rattled that before you even congratulated me, you went over to soothe her. Don’t tell me that you don’t feel something for her. I’m not crazy, and it’s not all in my head” Anna rushes out in one breath, afraid if she doesn’t say something now, she never will. 

Benny immediately deflates. He remembers that day. The look on Beth’s face as she realized she lost was heartbreaking. And it’s that thought that makes Benny wonder if he even saw the look on Anna’s face as she won her first Open. Anna has always said that the first thing she does after a victory is search for his face in the crowd. The idea that he missed out on a big moment of her first major victory knocks the wind out of Benny. The anger dissipates. Only sadness remains. 

After a moment of contemplation, Benny looks Anna in the eye. Her disappointment shines through, and Benny’s guilt suddenly sends him into defense mode, eager to prove to himself and Anna that it was just a lapse in judgment. “It’s not like that.” Benny explains, trying to convince Anna (and himself, truly). “I wasn’t really thinking.”

Anna knows that to prove her point she has to go for the jugular but that doesn’t make it any less painful. “That’s the problem, Benny. When you’re not thinking, when you’re running off your basic instincts...Beth comes first.”

It’s heartbreaking--for both Anna and Benny. Years later, Anna will wonder if that moment at the U.S Open was the root of the insecurity responsible for destroying her relationship with Benny. 

“Anna--,” Benny starts to defend or explain himself. Anna isn’t really sure, though she supposes she would know had she not cut him off. Before Benny can get any farther into his response, Anna steps in. “I don’t blame you for having feelings, Benny.That’s not fair. And I get it. She’s fun, smart--God, she’s smart. But I can’t feel like a second choice in my own relationship. I can’t---not anymore.” Anna finishes her speech feeling dizzy, like she might pass out if she says another word. 

Instead of verbally responding, Benny fumbles around his pocket, pulling a small black box out while angrily swearing under his breath. “I was going to propose,” Benny tells Anna. “Beth was calling to ask how it went. She’s dating Cleo right now. It’s all hush-hush, which is why I didn’t tell you anything about it. Beth is my best friend, and I’ll always feel something for her but,” Benny pauses before delivering a final, deadly blow to Anna and their relationship, “I thought you were my forever. Clearly I was wrong.” 

As soon as Benny finishes explaining his feelings to Anna, he storms out--but not before leaving a little black box on the table and a broken heart in his wake.


End file.
